On Ending 2022
My biggest takeaway from this year was gratitude. I’ve spent most of my life looking ahead, hoping for change, striving for another big goal. And while growth is necessary, so is gratitude. They aren’t opposing concepts but together, they create a better, more happy life.
There are so many incredible things I accomplished in the past twelve months, things I never could have imagined, and things that I’ve wished for such a long time. But in the moment, I wasn’t satisfied. I feel shameful admitting that but I wasn’t.
I raced 55k and felt horrible because my time wasn’t what I had wanted instead of being overjoyed that 14 months after breaking my foot, I was running 35 miles through the mountains. I was angry at myself for not being faster when my body had run over 1,200 miles in the past year. 1,200 miles I never thought I’d have again after my accident. Every single one of those miles brought me joy, maybe after a good cry.
In June, I was able to quit my part-time retail job and for the first time in my life, I’m fully supporting myself on freelance and contract work in an industry I love. That’s huge. Sure, I’m not thriving financially and I’m not where I want to be. But I’m still doing what I love. I’m working with people I’ve looked up to for so long and I’m so incredibly thankful for the opportunities I’ve gotten this year.
And for the first time ever, I’m feeling safe emotionally, physically, and mentally. That’s huge. If you’ve ever struggled with mental illness or just had a rough go in general, you know how painful life can get and the feeling of safety is the first to go. But I finally feel it. That sense of security, I’ve craved it for so long and it took me almost a year to recognize that I’ve been in that space the whole time.
Usually, I look back on my year and find comfort in all the boxes I checked, the adventures I went on, the goals I met. And I did a lot of what I set out to do. And I didn’t do a lot of it either. But that’s okay.
I spent the last twelve months discovering myself, learning my passions, the vision I have for my life, and uncovering the personality of a woman I have never spent much time listening to. I’ve learned that my body, mind, and soul are all one and if you allow someone or something else to infiltrate that relationship, shit happens.
Before I set any goals for this next year, I spent days journaling and reflecting on how I felt emotionally. I looked back to see what had changed, how I had changed. Don’t be confused, I set all my goals for 2023. Every quarter is mapped out, measures are in place, and I possess the stoke to complete them. However, my eyes are set on the bigger picture. I want to live every day of 2023 grateful for who I am, where I am, and the amazing things I’ve already done.
Remember, what you appreciate, appreciates.
